peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
