So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
