If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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