somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Someone shit on the floor
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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