I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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