I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
