Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
