Betty ford says i'm here all night
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
