the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
