so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
