Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
We talked him into tasing himself.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
