i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
