sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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