you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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