just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
