For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
