New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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