I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
