Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
