she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
