Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
