I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
