i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
