I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
