Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
pop tarts are not kleenex
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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