woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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