Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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