Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
