Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
