she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
