Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
