btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
