Ketchup is God's man juice
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
