Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
