I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
the raccoons are back...
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