We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
wow bdsm is so cute
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
