You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
