i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
