Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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