It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
