So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
