I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
