he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
