nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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