I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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