I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
