so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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