it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
