now i know why i became what i already was.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
