3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
