I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
