i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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